As I was preparing to leave my job for our move to Culpeper I began to get questions about what I would do once we were settled. Would I work full-time? Part-time? Stay at home with baby? My response was typically "oh, we'll see" or "If I can do something part-time that would be great". I really wasn't sure what the best choice would be and I wasn't sure what our situation would look like.
My husband kept mentioning I could stay at home and care for our daughter, but it didn't feel like enough. That was completely foreign to me. I wasn't used to contributing to the family in that way. I spent the first month in our new home applying to jobs and even scheduling a couple of interviews. I was also "searching for my calling" and seeing if there was something new I wanted to get into.
The weekend before my interviews my husband asked me if that is what I really wanted to do or was there anything else I wanted to try.(Yeah he is pretty amazing) It really got me thinking about staying home with Nora. Something in me still felt like that wasn't enough. Even though I knew I would be taking on a very important role, I felt like I needed to have some sort of financial contribution. Again, this is what I was used to. At the end of the day we decided I would stay home for the next year and we'd see how we feel after that.
It took about another month to settle in, but once that decision was made a huge weight was lifted and I could just focus on my new role. The moment I decided to OWN it I was able to HONE it! I could now put my focus and energy into refining my role and growing in this new place. I could focus on our routine and be in the moment without wondering if I'm doing ENOUGH. That word can sure cripple us can't it?
One of my favorite pastors to listen to is Steven Furtik and one of his sermons was called Being Confused About Your Calling. I came across this sermon a few weeks after the decision we made. He spoke about the way our society speaks about "finding our calling" or "searching for our calling" like we are on the hunt for it. He shares that rather than finding our calling, if we serve the purpose of the season we are in right now, our calling will find us.
This kind of blew my mind. So often we are focused on getting to a certain place that we lose sight of the current situation and the opportunities or needs at hand. We can be so focused on where we think we should be or where we will be in the future that we forget that we can grow where we are and often we are where we are because there are things to be learned.
I have come to learn that there is A LOT of learning that comes with staying home with children. Mostly patience, ha! But seriously, I use all of the traits I used when working outside of the home and I am continuing to grow those. Just to name a few: ......Patience....Organization.....Leadership......Communication.....Teaching......Reliability......Active Listening.......Commitment......Self-discipline.....Self-motivation......Creativity......
It was also important to recognize the need and opportunity at hand. The opportunity to spend more time with family as well as the need due to my husband's complex work/school schedule.
Of course I am still on this journey, but as I block out the noise of the world I can hear a whisper of my calling getting louder and louder.
I was again reminded of our purpose in different seasons as I watched the documentary Legacy of Laurel Canyon and they played Turn! Turn! Turn! by the Byrds. "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." Of course this was first written in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. If you haven't heard the song it's a must listen!
You have purpose where you are right in this moment. I challenge you to engage that purpose because you never know where it could lead you. You might not have that job you think you should have, but you have a job where you can continue to hone your skills. You might not have that "perfect" family, but you have a family that you can be present with and learn from.(I understand this is a process!) Whatever the case might be when we grow where we are planted we are able to see what is in front of us and be grateful for the blessings we have in that moment. We can experience the joy of the moment without feeling we're not enough. And we can hone the skills needed for whatever opportunities might come next.